The blog is back in town. The blog is back in tooooooooowwwwwwn.
Weiss Guy’s Tavern took a little hiatus from writing to focus on the finer things in life. I went to the movie theater, ate at some fine restaurants, and pretty much decompressed. It was like “The Summer of George” all over again. Did we figure out how he ever had a girlfriend? The Black Eyed Peas are taking a break after their glorious run, why can’t I? But I’m back and ready to roll. Man what a season. Surprising results? YOU BET! Great performances? ABSOLUTELY! Have you see the offensive numbers? We’re in a different age. S(cam) Newton comes in as a rookie and demolishes all sorts of records. This was a guy who came into the league with 1 full year of college ball experience (red flag), never called plays on his own (defensible), and relied mostly on his athleticism as his one exceptional skill. But guess what? That don’t matter. Were living in a juiced ball era where offenses are exploding and defenses cant really do anything to combat it.
Defensives are only allowed one padded practice a week. No wonder the Eagles cant tackle! Its really don’t even a big deal to have a semi incompetent defense this year. Just ask the Patriots who are trolling with only 3 above average defenders at the moment. Boston people would make you believe its all Welker’s contributions though. HES SO GRITTY AND MANLY AND WORKS HARDAHHH THAN ANY PLAYAHHHH IN THAAA LEAGUEEE! Like my Boston accent? No?! Well then FACKKK YOUUUU /said in Jeremy Renner’s voice from “The Town”.
So lets look at the standings thru 8 weeks. This article is going to be written with minimal research and almost complete ignorance about certain topics because I am somewhat lazy and like to make points without tons of evidence!
Fat feet (forces nickname, not mine, very offensive imo) on a real hot streak topping the charts at 5-2 and about to be 6-2. Some of that is good karma supporting Erin Andrews. God does she look good on the sidelines. Phlash Mob taking over for the always controversial Jebi-Josh combo and making the most of the opportunity. Mr creative, Pat Linnehan, rounds out the 5-2 squad. Then we got a bunch of 4-3 and 3-4 teams all huddled together. It is truly a crapshoot. Lets examine Pete Doulis’s team. Tons of scoring but not a lot of wins. Loser of 3 straight. Weird since he has 3 of the top 10 candidates for MVP this yr (Rodgers, Welker, and Forte).
And then we get to poor, poor Simpson. Sitting in the cellar at 0-7, about to be 0-8 thanks to yours truly. Totally offpoint, but I remember in 10th grade my English teacher told us that “cellar door” was the most calming statement a human can make. Mouth it. It does seem to have a calming presence. Actually that can be a segue. Simpson is probably stressing more than Lindsay Lohan going in for a drug test. He needs a calming sensation right now. He rolled the dice hoping Manning would come back and is now riding on The Red Rifle and Jaaaash Freeman who has regressed this year. Hes got talent at the WR position but so does everybody (The NFL this yr is more a passing year than ever before) and is relying on Reggie Bush as his flex. Gulp. The Bush for Sproles flip the Saints pulled may have been the most underrated move of the offseason. Bush is just the curtails of his name factor now for endorsement and analysis purposes but pretty soon he may not be useful on the football field anymore. He’s undersized, gets hurt, and doesn’t really have one great attribute that a team can use. Unless Simpson gets whimsical and pulls out a “Carson for two 1st” type fantasy trade it looks like him and Bush will be in the “Suck for Luck” running.
Total role reversal this year. In 2010 the triple threat trifecta of Stunna, Weiss, and Simpson steamrolled the league for the regular season but all fell in the playoffs. HEARTBREAKING TO REMEMBER! But I enjoy seeing Buck Wilds with a L7 next to their name.
Busts in the top 10 draft picks. CJ2k Aka Cop Speed has gotten spiked stripped. Those wheels aint turning anymore. 2.9 YPC! Are you kidding me? The twitter feed @sportspickle has been killing him all year and it is hilarious. Love the pickle. But he’s killed it since coming into the league so I don’t feel bad if you had him that time. And poor Jamaal Charles. Just tragic. Had to share carries with the immortal Thomas Jones last year but a blown knee on a fluke play ends his year. That’s why some athletes are greedy. Gotta get whats theres when the gettings hot. Never know when a bad injury is coming out. As for steals we got two young tight ends coming in making immediate impacts. Jimmy Graham and Rob “I like to hang out with porn stars” Gronkowski. Big. Fast. Hands of steel. Soft feet. I feel like Jay Bilas analyzing NBA prospects. ITS ALL ABOUT THE LENGTH. WINGSPAN. PURE ATHLETE!!!!! Those guys were both taken in the later rounds and continue to do the damn thing.
Odds and ends: I like to look at a persons profile pic. Says a lot about the person when I see their mug. For example, Nate Kaeding looks like a nice guy. Charming, inviting, solid fella. Sebastian Janiowski, not so much. But that dude can ball. What is he doing for leg exercises. Get me on that regimen. Calves of steel. Eagles kicker, Alex Henery, looks 12 years old and if he keeps puckering someone will bitchify him in a heartbeat. FACT. But my sources say (actor Scott Porter of FNL fame) he was a god at Nebraska and can kick well. You’re damn right I’m name dropping. Shonn Greene looks constipated and he plays like it too. Hey Shonn spell your name right and break a run longer than 15 yards! The Tavern needs it.
Last but not least. Hi my name is Pat Weiss and I am a twitter holic. I’m addicted. Its that simple. I tweet from the heart and just love it. So for Sundays my favorite people to follow are @drewmagary, @billbarnwell, @whitlockjason, @dadboner, @fo_aschatz, @sportspickle, @gourmetspud, @lomomarlins, @jimmytraina, @darrenrovell, and last but not least my man @sportsguy33. Lets go out and enjoy the games.