Draft Recap

Happy 90210 day y’all. It happens once every hundred years. Today is a big day! I never watched the show but I’m sure some you old heads caught the tail end of it in the late 90’s. Did you know that show aired 296 episodes? Holy shit. Today a show is lucky to get 4 seasons. The people of Beverly Hills went 10 years airing 28 episodes a season. That’s good stuff.

Anyway, we have another reason to celebrate today. Bristol Palin is going to be on next seasons Dancing With The Stars!!! God she is so talented and famous. For what?  I have no idea. She is the daughter of a Vice President candidate which lost. Oh and shes on again off again with the next hopeful mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. If that isn’t famous then I don’t know what is. Go away.

No, it is the official start of football season! College football premieres tonight which means the NFL is only a week away which means I can sit at home on Sundays and watch 10 hours of football which is awesome. I’m also thinking about getting the highly touted NFL Redzone channel this year but am worried I am going to get more pissed off when a third string tight end catches a one yard touchdown off a play fake when the team could’ve handed it off to my running back. That always sucks. But I digress. Lets dig in to some draft results from Monday night.

Average Joes: First four picks- CJ2K, Ced Benson, Phil Rivers, Wesley Welker. Solid stuff. Its always good to get the first pick in anything. Welker may have been a reach but the dudes a warrior. His knee exploded like five months ago but hes fine now. I don’t know how he does it. Chris Johnson is a fast mofo but I’m worried he might not live up to the hype after the crazy season. I remember a couple years back when Steven Jackson went crazy and promised 2500 yards from scrimmage the following season but ended up well short. The only difference between these two situations is the Titans are somewhat good while the Rams are so abysmal that their TE1 is Billy Bajema. I know, I have no idea who he is either. Late round intrigue: Vinny Jackson and Big Ben the Molester. If either of these two come back and produce like usual, Shawn has some trade bait to dangle.

Smelly SOJO: First four picks- AP, Schaub, Jennings, Moreno. Love Jennings. I watched their playoff game last year vs. the Cardinals and the dude caught EVERYTHING. He’ll produce. Moreno hasn’t played much in training camp and got hurt early which scares me. Late round intrigue: Hakeem Nicks. He has huge hands. Look it up.

Becky Buckwild: Jedi, did you get this name from the chick that was on Flavor of Love? http://blog.vh1.com/2007-08-14/beckys-got-the-feeling-for-more-flavor/ She was crazy. Anyway, First four picks- MOJO, Wayne, Homo, Best. I must say I really like this team. MOJO got nicked up a bit but hes always good for 9+ TD’s a year. Best is a solid keeper pick and in the late rounds he took some chances with rookies/role players who look to step up.

Son of Mr. Patrick Swayze: First four picks: Ray Rice, Brady, Austin, McCoy. Only pick I didn’t like in the draft was Ben Tate. Why? He broke his leg, out for the year. Gotta do your homework Stephen. Your dad would not be happy with you if he were still around. RIP.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1rVBe1NCh8

Mr. Weiss’s Tavern: First four picks: Andre Johnson, Roddy, Megatron, DeAngelo. Oh hey, its my team! I took three WR’s with the first three picks mainly because I was bored with the standard drafting I’ve been doing for 7 years. Either some combo of RB, RB, WR or RB, WR, QB was just not fun anymore. I wanted to take a risk and draft some blue chip WR’s and hope to hit on a RB in the later rounds. Anyone need a WR, offer me a trade!

Goodfellas: First four picks: Rodgers, Moss, Shonn (not Sean or Shawn) Greene, Steve Smith. Steve Smith is one of my top 5 players in the league. Hes like 5 foot 7 but carries himself like a giant. He caught a pass last year, got hit, broke his arm, scored the TD, acted like nothing happened. Also Randy Moss had one of my favorite YouTube clips ever. Just search Moss + Straight Cash. Late round intrigue: Chris Cooley. He is what I hope Brent Celek becomes one day. Just a big, fast white boy TE. I also like how Shonn Greene spells him name. People these days have crazy names. One guys name on Tampa Bay is named Stylez G. White. Nice.

Young Stunnas: OK, I’ve tried to keep the posts for every team pretty short but I’m going overboard with this team. Mr. Force’s draft just baffled me. The team name makes sense because afterward I was stunned! First four picks: Gore, Mathews, Kevin Kolb (???), Boldin. Screw it, I’m listing every pick. Next 10 picks: TO (he is so old and for him to be a fifth rd pick was absurd), Brent Celek (early, but homer pick, defensible), Johnny Knox (shaking my head), Favre (ehh), Packers Def (I loved the early run on defenses. Here is a fact about DEF for fantasy: They really don’t matter. The scoring differences between the 1^st overall rank and 10^th is like 2 points a game. And the top preseason ranked D rarely ends up with the most points. It’s a crapshoot. You have to wait till the end to draft a defense. There is only 10 teams in the league. That means that there is 22 available DEF as free agents. Hell, you can add/drop one every week and just find the team that is playing the Browns. They’ll score a boatload off of Delhomme’s interceptions. Now Force didn’t start the trend but he was a follower and that I can’t forgive), Holmes, Jones, Cribbs, Bradford.

I need a new paragraph. Kevin Kolb is getting so much love that I am slightly worried. He hasn’t looked to good in the preseason. I think he’ll end up being fine but all these projections of 4000 yards and resemblances to Aaron Rodgers are a little premature. Force drafted him as the 8^th overall QB (27^th pick overall). The next QB wasn’t picked until pick 50 (Flacco) then Manning (56). Seven teams had already picked QB’s. Force could’ve waited a round or two to pick up a top notch WR/RB then grabbed Korn on the Kolb. Boldin always gets hurt. People are saying, “Boldin is the missing piece in Baltimore and if he only stays healthy we will be great.” Heres some breaking news: Hes never healthy. Play 16 games straight and then we’ll talk. Force I will give you a thumbs up on the Cribbs pick. I see him as the next Steve Smith. He is Cleveland’s favorite athlete right now after that cocksucker LeBron skipped town.

Erin Andrews Peephole: First four picks: Brees, Fitz, Grant, Colston. I am a bit concerned with the QB situation in Arizona which means I have concerns with Fitzgeralds production. He has a great smile though. You cannot deny that. Look at that profile pic of his. Sparkling whites.

Le Toux Pt Conversion: Peyton, Steve Jack, Jamaal, DeSean. If you picked up Jamaal Charles last year around Week 7 you probably won your league. He had like 1000 yards in 8 games. That is my one problem with fantasy. It doesn’t take too much skill. It’s all luck with your picks and what sleeper you pick in the 15^th round that ends up being a Top 10 player at his position. Le Toux also has Jay Cutler and Dick Williams on his team. Speaking of profile pics, look at Jay Cutler’s. Don’t you just want to sucker punch him? And Ricky Williams is awesome. 33 years old and still crushing people. He is a cool dude. Watch that 30 for 30 on him. .

Jaws of Justice: First four picks: Ike Turner (ooo, Mike, sorry), Rashard, Brandon Marshall, Pierre Thomas. Mr. Menio started the DEF craze that I crushed Force for. Solid team. I have no qualms. Lets just congratulate Menio on that new jaw hes getting!

Conclusion: I’ve been playing fantasy since I was 13 and I think I have won one time. Translation: I really have no idea what I’m doing and in all likelihood the stunna of all stunnas will happen and Young Stunna will win the league. For the upcoming football year I just hope for a couple of things. Antonio Cromartie doesn’t have any more kids, Tony Romo gets a kick to the kneecap and is put out of commission, ChadOcho and TO feud, Vincent Jackson doesn’t disgrace my good name, Tim Tebow comes out with the Fryar haircut again, and the Eagles have a good season. Stay cool my friends.